She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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