At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
A+ Viking dick
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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