i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
