OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
