I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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