We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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