I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
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I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
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I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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