I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
