He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
