Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
