Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
