thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
