I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
