It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
