Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
