Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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