her vagine was all disorganized.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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