Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
