nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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