Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
