Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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