Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
