Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize