Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
