apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
