Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
