I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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