i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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