Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Im part way to drunk.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
