they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
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