We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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