Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize