i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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