This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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