see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
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you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
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Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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