the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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