dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
