If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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