so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
