YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
