It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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