Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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