I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
