It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
