how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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