Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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