I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Randomize
