Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
