Where did you get a picture of my penis
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
