True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
