Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
he laminated a picture of his dick.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
