ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
