She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
