Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My feet surprised me
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
