I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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