Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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