my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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