wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
