Taylor Swift is so right about you.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
