I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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