i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
