The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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