those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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